Goodbye Blogger - My last post.

Ok, short and sweet. I've decided - a few days ago - that I can't write in Pears in Natural Juice anymore. I just don't feel like it's that private little world anymore. I didn't put my blog in for review for the "hits" but they happened, and now, I'm exposed. It's a double-edged sword.. it's always nice to get readers.. but I'm just not ready for that yet.

I havn't blogged for ages anyway. Not even my other blog has had an entry for over a week - and people will start to get worried. The review has shaken my confidence and I need a little break to get it back.

I've always written in a diary.. not regularly.. but at least once a month. Since writing blogs, I don't write in a book at all. I'm a little worried that as these words will be deleted someday, (and, I admit, other failed blogs in the past that I've deleted because I was ashamed about how much whinging I did!!) that I'm going to loose the memories of the last few years. I have a terrible memory for some things - pain being the main one. I've written often about my various aches and pains assosiated with fybro and the bug and my back.. it's not interesting to others, but then, it's not for others..

So, that's the basics of it - my writing isn't for others - yet? So, I'll keep my personal writing for myself, and try and keep the blogging for my relatives and friends about the house renovations and my lovely garden.

Pear.

My vitiman B12 ran out

I feel like a car that's ran out of petrol. I was going along quite well, then - Bleh bleh.. choke.. pshhh.

The chiropractor asked me if I had been taking any sugar replacements (he knows I'm on a special diet) and I said "Oh no, definitely not!".. but I realised when we got home that the Berocca had aspartame in it, and so I stopped taking it. That was less than a week ago. I've been "up and at 'em", bright eyed and bushy tailed, until now.

I'd sent the doctor a fax asking what I could take instead of Borocca, and for a replacement prescription of an antibiotic etc.. no reply as yet. She's usually slack, so I'll give her a bit longer. Today I took a Berocca again.. bugger it. I'd rather have a little more pain in my joints than be tired all the time. (Yawns again..)

The Mighty-moo and I have been a little more stressed out than usual lately. The plumber's bill was the reason. They sent it to us just over a month ago, and they charged us $190 more than we were expecting. After much procrastination (which didn't help!), we called the plumber about it last week, and this woman who does the accounts was all nasty about it. She says they've already reduced the bill by 2 hours! "Pay the full amount or we'll send the account to a debt collector." Bitch! She wouldn't give an inch. So, we went to Consumer Affairs Victoria.

They were brilliant!! They come down to our town once a fortnight, and we saw them yesterday. This lovely lady listened to what we were saying (which was a nice start) and was totally understanding. She called them that day and it would have scared the bitchy accounts woman to hear that message on the answering machine. ;)

Today we got the call from Consumer Affairs that the plumber has agreed to take $100 off the bill. Wow! I mean, it's not all we wanted, but it's far better than we would have ever got on our own. So, a $500 bill instead of a $600 sounds at least a bit more reasonable. Besides, we'll never recommend anyone we know use that plumber again.. and in a small town, word of mouth is vital.

I still kick myself that it ever happened at all. It was totally my own fault. We got the water tanks last year.. the information I had at the time said we could get a $1,000 rebate from the water company for installing them. Excellent deal, only problem is that you need a plumber to install them to get the rebate. No worries, the $1,000 would cover that easily.

Only problem was, by the time we got organised, it was 2009, and the government and water company had changed the rules. Now you needed to have purchased the water tanks in 2009 as well as a few other annoying things.. either way, we missed out because we didn't install the tanks in 2008. I stupidly didn't realise this was the case, and we got the plumber around to do the job, still thinking we'd get the rebate. So, after the pipes were put in, then a month later the leaks fixed, and then received the bill.. it was only then that I looked-up the rebate situation again.

I admit that I cried like a baby that night. Not only did we get a bill that was nearly $200 more than we were expecting.. we weren't getting any rebate for it either. I felt like the biggest fool to ever walk the earth. I'm sure there are worse things.. but our financial situation (ie: we're unemployed and pretty poor!) was getting on top of me at that stage too.

So, today's news was a small relief in a relatively large pile of financial shit. Although, I think I'm past worrying about money now.. now I just feel numb about handing out large sums of money for very little to show for it. Hell, it'll just keep coming out of the mortgage until the bank won't let us take out any more.

That's partly why I took the Borocca today. I can't just spend the next few weeks sleeping until I get a reply from my doctor!! We are about to start our business (the official start date is the 11th of June!) and I absolutely must to be awake!!! We have windows to finish putting into the shed where we're planning on doing the computer repairs.. we have a chook pen that needs to be habitable by chooks ASAP so we can sell the eggs.. We're doing all this ourselves, things we've never done before in our lives.

At the very least, all this hard work will keep us on the government program for a full year (unless we completely bugger it up) and keep that money coming in. A lot is resting on this business. It's not just the money.. it's our dream. We've wanted to work together since we first met. When we were first rolling around in M-moo's bed in the sweaty Michigan summer, talking about crazy things like pig farming or running an internet cafe.. Although it was only 4 years ago, I felt like I was a teenager, with the whole world at my feet. Excited and energetic and full of ideas. This business, and our lifestyle, has all risen from those fun times.

Not ours!

We have a temporary (very temporary!) house guest staying with us tonight (and probably until Monday morning when we can call the council to come pick it up. I'm pretty sure it's a female.. so I'll call it a she for now. She appears to be about 6 months old, she's black with orange eyes and has a pretty collar with gold fish on it.

We were walking up to the shops for some munchies tonight when we passed the pub. A little black kitten started following us. Her tail was all brushed up and she seemed quite disturbed. We got more than half way to the shops and I told The Mighty-moo that I couldn't just keep walking to the shops with a cat following us. I'd just have to start walking the cat home and we'll call the council to pick it up ASAP.

The cat and I walked walked back down the street. I asked a woman walking past if she was looking for a cat. Nope. A guy leaving his house picked up the cat, and handed her to me - saying I might not want to find the owner. Sure, it's a nice enough cat.. but we really can't have a cat right now.

Walking past the pub with the cat in my arms, I heard the patrons say something about the cat, and through the big windows I could see them pointing at me. I shyly popped my head in the door and asked the small crowd if the cat belonged to anyone there. Nope, "Plenty of pussy in here!" shouted one drunk old fart. A nicer old man pointed out the house he thought the cat belonged to.. I thanked him and knocked on the door. A young man asked through the door "Who is it?" and I didn't know how to answer that! "Aah, I have a black cat?" He opened the door.. nope, not his cat.

I thought I'd try the neighbours as I've seen their cat around.. but not them either. Never mind.. I took the cat to our street (which she had never been down before.. and got quite agitated, so I put her down). She followed me to our gate, then into the front door.

Luckily for the cat, we happen to have a can of Whiskas on the mantle, so after I gave her some water, I fed her too. M-moo got home and would you believe, made a temporary scratching post for her, since she wanted to scratch the carpet in the loungeroom. The old purple carpet wouldn't have survived those little claws at all.

Well, she's in the bathroom for now. I can't have her running around the not-cat-proof house all night! She must be tired anyway. She'll be ok in there. A bit of water and food, a bed, the scratching post and a temporary litter tray with sand in it. Even so, The Mighty-moo wants to go check on her. Aint that sweet?

No, we're not keeping her. :p

This'll do for now - but my posts won't do.

This basic template will have to do until I can find something better.

I agree, I've not been as open while blogging as I could have been. I guess it's not just my family and people in real-life that I keep at arms length. While I thought I was being open and honest, and even though some of my posts really hurt to write - they were clearly not open enough for others to understand exactly what I feel. It's hard to read the older posts from the point of view of a stranger. To me, they make complete sense. I read almost all my posts to my husband, and he always tells me "Yep, that's exactly it!" - but he's my biggest fan. :) For that alone, I'm the luckiest woman in the world.

One more thing..

No-one wants any recipes that we use. Trust me. 2 years ago, I would have thought this food bland at best - and absolutely shithouse at worst. It took quite some time to get use to the kind of food we're restricted to, and unless you absolutely have to eat this way, you wouldn't choose to.

No sugar, no honey, no artificial sweeteners or flavours, no dairy (that means no yummy cream poured all over the place or cheese melted all over everything), no gluten (which means nothing is fluffy or yummy), no preservatives, no garlic and no onion, not even cooked tomato! No curries, chillies or spices.. NO!

So, our taste buds have changed a little. We get excited over tinned pears or a banana and cocoa smoothie with rice milk. We get excited over the amazing flavour of home grown carrots and corn. We cope with things that "normal" people wouldn't put up with - and certainly wouldn't pay money for.. We can't eat out anymore because it's not worth the frustration trying to find something we can eat - and even then, there's usually something hidden that we react to later on and feel bloated, gassy or even end up cramping, sweating on the toilet over.. yeh, great meal.. and we paid $20 each for that? Nice.. lets do that again! NOT!

Ok, that's my rant. If you need a diet like the one I'm on, then your doctor or nutritionist or naturopath has given you a list of allowed foods and meal ideas already (and in our case, a whole home-made cook book). Otherwise, don't bother. Just enjoy your pasta's and sauces.. enjoy the sausages and gravy in "bangers 'n' mash".. enjoy pizzas with cheese.. bread and sandwiches with processed meats from the deli. Enjoy a quick breakfast of toast with cereal and milk. And definitely enjoy your sugar and sweet things.

Aw shit.

I did something silly and submitted my blog for review on Ask And Ye Shall Receive. I found it after they'd reviewed some other blogs I read frequently. It was a while back, and ever since I did it, I regretted it - since I knew this blog isn't review-worthy. Still, what's done is done, and I have a scathing review that doesn't offer me much in the way of direction.. Still, if I'm lacking direction in my life, and it shows in my blog.. what possible direction could I ask for on a review?

I'm not happy with the layout of this blog either, that's a given. I troll sites looking for the better templates, but never find it. I'll keep up the search. It's a shame the reviewer didn't get that The Mighty-moo is also M-moo who is my husband. It is written on the side bar.. only because I know I talk about him so much - he's pretty much my whole life.

Oh, on that whole life topic.. nah.. social anxiety keeps me from having a life of my own. I can't go and make friends or go out drinking or.. well, that's about all you can do in this small town, but it wouldn't matter if there was anything else to do - because I wouldn't be doing it.

Spelling mistakes? Shit. I always spell check. Suppose that's the differences between Aussie and American spelling? Having an American husband, I try and keep it in mind.. but I always choose the Aussie spelling before the American, except when it comes to his Mom, who is American, and deserves the American spelling. My Mum, however, will always be spelled the Aussie way.

Otherwise.. I won't be slashing any wrists today. I only ever thought about that once - when I was 18 and going nuts living at home with my Mum and her new husband. I do regret submitting my review - but only because I don't feel it gave me as much help as I thought it might, and because even though I try, I understand that personal diary-type blogs aren't their favourite kind.

I've always tried to open-up in this blog.. it's helped me feel better when I feel like I'm going crazy.. it's been useful to me in many respects.. but they're right - it's not really public entertainment. As such.. I think I'll stick to my other blog for a while, which I've been neglecting a little anyway. It gets plenty of readers, and is almost always upbeat.. It's like a facade. A fake projection of confidence and happiness.. where-as the real me isn't that at all.. the real me is found on this blog.

I'll give it a rest for a while, none the less. I should only come back when I have a decent template and something deeper(?) to say.. haha.. good luck with that one Pear. ;)

Oops

Sometimes I forget the good stuff.. so I just wanted to share. I was thinking how lucky we are while making some desert that will hopefully be ready by the time M-moo gets home.

Something that made me warm and fuzzy was when we were making dinner. We had peeled the vegetables, and the meat was on.. while the veg was steaming away, I asked M-moo if he wanted his hair cut.. "What, tonight?" "Yeh, come on!" So he came back into the kitchen, we turned the radio on and I did a little trim of his hair. M-moo's hair is starting to get the helmet thing going, so I thought I'd try and blend in the sides a little to the rest of his hair. I didn't stress out too much over it, just remembered some of the tricks I saw online, and gave it a quick go. It turned out pretty good considering I'm no hairdresser!

Another nice thing is making the desert - it's basically a tin of pears (in natural juice, of course) with a cake on the top, baked in the oven. The cake is gluten free and pretty easy, just a little messy. I've done it so many times now, I don't really have to read the recipe anymore.

Picking carrots from the garden is just brilliant. We havn't brought carrots from the supermarket for months now. Today was great, I got one orange, one purple, and one yellow variety that must have been a stowaway seed - since I didn't order any yellow ones! It tasted really quite nice, and I think I'll be ordering some of those next time. Lovely surprise.

M-moo will be home soon, and we'll eat hot yummy desert. We plan on going to bed early because we have a long drive tomorrow.. and going to bed early adds to the chance that good things will happen. ;)

It certainly beats going to bed late, being grumpy as hell and definitely not making love.. *sigh*